Final draft

Today a lot of people use the internet. The internet became much familiar, so the internet users are on the increase. People through the internet communicate with the social world and friends, search information that you want to know, argue your opinion on the government homepage, moreover you can listen music that is recorded yesterday. It is true that we never imagined society like this, before. The internet makes the world become faster and  closer with everyone. But didn't you ever think about the defect of internet? The SNS is the key point of internet communication. Especially for young people, the SNS is the best method to communicate with friends. We can updating our recent life on Facebook let our friends know, also can write criticism about government then posting blog to show our interest in politics. These SNS seem to make people more interactive. But, SNS makes people LONELY. 
 
  Before a start to support my arguments, let's talk about the social networking service. Social networking service, alias SNS, 47% of American adults used social networking sites like Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Classmates.com in 2011, up from 26% in 2008.  The SNS do promote interaction with friends and family. Many people connect SNS when they feel boredom or lonely. But although people believe the SNS would deal with the boredom and loneliness, but they are WRONG.

 You will wonder that why the SNS makes people feel loneliness. The SNS's goal is to make the world more interactive and communicational. But contrary, SNS makes people lonely. I have found some evidences to prove my topic. 
 
  First, SNS makes us compare with another person. According to  German researchers witnessing friends' vacations, love lives and work successes on Facebook can cause envy and trigger feelings of misery and loneliness. When we login SNS, we could see our friends' current life. For example, I want to buy the latest new laptop, but my mother said "No." At that time if I found my friends bought a new laptop that I want to buy, then I will feel envious, and then I may blame my mother she doesn't allow me to buy a laptop. Also, let's imagine when we feel lonely and want to make boy/girl friend, but no candidates. At that time you saw your friend became couple. It may make your loneliness become deeper than before. Furthermore people compare how many birthday greetings they received to those of their Facebook friends and how many "likes" or comments were made on photos and postings.

   Second, through SNS People know that we can communicate with others who live far apart from us. So today, the user of SNS are more than before. As a user of social network service increased, the people who feel lonely are also increased. At the same time however, the SNS addicts are increased, too. These addicted people tend to always surfing the internet, and showing maladaptive behaviors when they in the real-world, they can not blend together with real world's people, just facing at monitor from morning till tonight. One study says that Campus-SNS website addicts tend to be female, young and have used the campus-SNS websites for relatively a long time and frequently visit the homepages of others. More importantly, loneliness was found to be a significant predictor for the campus-SNS website addiction. 

  
   Third, maybe, for SNS addicts, their SNS friends are real friends, but SNS is a failed "communication". "Communication" means understand each other through speech and gesture. But most SNS can not convey the perfect sense which implicated in text. When we communicate with others in face to face, we can show our expression and voice tone to give a sense what I want to say and what I feel. But SNS just show text and little emoticons. It is absurdly scant amount to convey perfect sense. Says Dr Catriona Morrison, an experimental psychologist at the University of Leeds in England who has studied the link between depression and internet addiction.  "You often don't hear someone's voice and you don't see any body signals, which we know from traditional psychology are important." Like that, when we communicate with others, we have to use our voice(tone, speed, accent) and body(gesture, face expression) together. So SNS is the failed communication. Furthermore people who feel lonely are more tend to be addicted to SNS. We should cognize that, SNS doesn't resolve our loneliness but make it deeper. 
 

  

   
 
 

 
 Fourth, False Information on SNS makes people feel loneliness.  At 2012, the rumor "The earth will collapse on 2012 December 21." was pervaded in the world. This false information confused people and make them tremble with fear. Also, these information make people feel disappointment to the society, and even make people to hate this world. 

 

 Opponents say that the comparison is happened in the face to face communication too. But I want to say that, we can not chatter with every person in the real-world. So the compared subject is limited. However, the SNS is a wide communicate organization.  As a result, the comparison got from SNS is more than face to face communication, and it tend to make people feel lonely much more.

 Also they say we can make new friends through SNS to deal with loneliness and boredom. But I can sure that the SNS friend is not a real friend. Friend is not a tool to deal with loneliness or a number to show to the other persons. also internet friends just can meet on the internet. When we had a talk with SNS friends and turned off the computer, came back to the real world, we will feel loneliness that deeper than before. We live in the real world is not a social network world. Furthermore, if one person who do not have any friends, and this person want to find some new friends through SNS, but when he form new ID of Facebook, and looked at the mark "FRIEND_0", it will make the loneliness deeper than before. 

  47% of American adults used social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Classmates.com in 2011, up from 26% in 2008. As a user of social network service increased, the people who feel lonely are also increased. The SNS do promote interaction with friends and family, but at the same time it promotes comparison among friends, too. Second, useing the SNS, you can addicted in that.  Third, it can not be named "communication." Because it is failed communication. Last, although we can disseminate useful information rapidly, but on the SNS  also have a lot of false information that confuse people. Many people connect SNS when they feel boredom or lonely. But it is not a good idea to solve a loneliness. We have to know that the SNS makes people more lonely. I hope people after read my argument those lonely persons will find something else to treat loneliness, rather than addicted in SNS. 

Reference

 

 

http://www.theguardian.com/media/2010/aug/07/social-networking-friends-lonely

http://gadgets.ndtv.com/social-networking/news/facebook-can-make-you-feel-envious-lonely-and-miserable-study-321157

http://www.abc.net.au/health/thepulse/stories/2011/11/03/3353184.htm

http://www.cyberpsychology.eu/view.php?cisloclanku=2008111802
 





Peer Review - 20524

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
I will give her 4points. Because this paper technically perfect and follows the classical argument, displays an interesting and unique perspective on a highly specialized topic. But I think it was not done.
 

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
I think if her eliminate some qusetion, it will be ok. Because Sam Teacher said "Do not use questions."

Thesis
What is the thesis?
Although some other theories are still evolving, minds are distinctive from bodies.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
yes.
 

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?

Any other thoughts?
I will use of some unconscious behavior to sipport this topic.

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
1.human being and robot have a difference
2.since we can imagine our mind or soul without our body, they are different thing.
3. a human being has a "sense" or a "feeling"

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? 
yes, her introduction is very easy to understand and interesting enough.
 

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
yes, narration part gave me many survey about people's thoughts.
 

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?

yes, she explaind why her argument is more persuasive.
 
Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
yes.
 

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 
 yes she does.


What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
 Avioding question.

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agree.


When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
 I afree.


If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
 I did not changed.


How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
Intro more familiar examples. 

Research
Is the author using research effectively? 
 Yes.


Is the research from appropriate sources?
 yes.


Are the sources obvious?
 some times.


Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
 yes.


Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
 no.

Peer Review - 20523

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
I want to give him 5points. He writed technically perfact writing and follws the classical argument, apso his topic is very unique.


How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
Using research appropriately, he will write a perfact writing.

Thesis
What is the thesis?
Cause football can give positive impacts to the society, we should encourage football.


Is the thesis clear and debatable?
yes.


If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
The reasons of foodball give positive impacts to the society. 

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
1.When we see SNS like facebook of instagram, we can figure out that many sports stars are trying to advertise campaigns like charity match or events.
2. we can think about health problem
3.  football can make peaceful world

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? 
Yes, it was very impressive


Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Yes.


Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes.


Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
Yes.


Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 
Yes, he summerised the artical.


What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
More basic information about foodball will hepful.

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis? 
Disagree.


When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
Yes.



If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
His first reason that the famouse foodball player advertise some campain. This makes me agree with his topic.


How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
I think his topic is very good but supports are little bit week.

Research
Is the author using research effectively? 
Yes


Is the research from appropriate sources?
I felt he did not.


Are the sources obvious?
Yes.


Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
A little


Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
It is too difficalt to person who do not know well about food ball like me.

Second draft

  Today a lot of people use internet. The internet became much familiar, so the internet users are on the increase. People through the internet communicate with social world and friends, search information which you want to know, argue your opinion on the government homepage, more over you can listen music which is recorded yesterday. It is true that we never imagined society like this, before. The internet makes the world become more faster and  more closer with everyone. But didn't you ever think about the defect of internet? The SNS is the key point of internet communication. Especially for young people, the SNS is the best method to communicate with friends. We can updating our recent life on Facebook let our friends know, also can write criticism about government then posting on our own blog to show our interest in politics. These SNS seem to make people more interactive. But actually, SNS makes people LONELY. 
 
  Before start to support my arguments, let's talk about the social networking service. Social networking service, alias SNS, 47% of American adults used social networking sites like Facebook, My Space, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Classmates.com in 2011, up from 26% in 2008.  The SNS do promote interaction with friends and family, Many people connect SNS when they feel boredom or lonely. But although people believe the SNS would dealing with the boredom and loneliness, but they are wrong.

 You will wonder that why the SNS makes people feel loneliness. The SNS's goal is to make the world more interactive and communicational. But contrary, SNS makes people lonely. I have found some evidences to prove my topic. 
 
  First, SNS makes us compare with other person. According to  German researchers Witnessing friends' vacations, love lives and work successes on Facebook can cause envy and trigger feelings of misery and loneliness. When we login SNS, we could see our friends' current life. For example, I want to buy the latest new laptop, but my mother said "No". At that time if I found my friends bought new laptop which I want to buy, then I will feel envious, and then I may blame my mother she don't allow me to buy laptop. Also, let's imagine when we feel lonely and want to make boy/girl friend, but no candidates. At that time you saw your friend became couple. It may make your loneliness become deeper than before. Further more people compare how many birthday greetings they received to those of their Facebook friends and how many "likes" or comments were made on photos and postings.

 This compare is happened in face to face communication too. But I want to say that, we can not chatter with every person in the real-world. So the compared subject is limited. However, the SNS is a wide communicate organization.  As a result, the comparison got from SNS is more than face to face communication, and it tend to make people feel lonely much more.

  Second, People know that through SNS we can communicate with others who live far apart from us .So today, the user of SNS are more than before. As the user of social network service increased, the people who feel lonely are also increased. At the same time however, the SNS addicts are increased, too. These addicted people tend to always surfing the internet, and showing maladaptive behaviors when they in the real-world, they can not blend together with real world's people, just facing at monitor from morning till to night. One study say that Campus-SNS web site addicts tend to be female, young and have used the campus-SNS web sites for relatively a long time and frequently visit the homepages of others. More importantly, loneliness was found to be a significant predictor for the campus-SNS website addiction. 
  
   Third, maybe, for SNS addicts, their SNS friends is real friends, but SNS is a failed "communication". "Communication" means understand each other through speech and gesture. But most SNS can not convey the perfect sense which implicated in text. When we communicate with others in face to face, we can show our expression and voice tone to give sense what I want to say and what I feel. But SNS just show text and a little emoticons. It is absurdly scant amount to convey perfect sense. Says Dr Catriona Morrison, an experimental psychologist at the University of Leeds in England who has studied the link between depression and internet addiction.  "You often don't hear someone's voice and you don't see any body signals, which we know from traditional psychology are important." Like this, when we communicate with others, we have to use our voice(tone, speed, accent) and body(gesture, face expression) together. So SNS is the failed communication. Further more people who feel lonely are more tend to be addicted to SNS. We should cognize that, SNS doesn't resolve our loneliness, but make it more deeper. 
  Opponents may say we can make new friends through SNS to deal with loneliness and boredom. But I can sure that the SNS friend is not a real friend. Friend is not a tool to deal with loneliness or a number to show to other person. also internet friends just can meet in the internet. when we had a talk with SNS friends and turned off the computer, came back to the real world, we will feel loneliness which more deeper than before. We live in real world is not a social network world. Further more, if one person who do not have any friends, and this person want to find some new friends through SNS, but when he form new ID of Facebook, and looked at the mark "FRIEND_0", it will make the loneliness deeper than before. 

  

   
 
 

  Fourth, False Information on SNS makes people feel loneliness.  At 2012, the rumor "The earth will collapse in 2012 December 21." was pervaded in the world. This false information confused people and make them tremble with fear. Also these information make people feel disappointment to the society, and even make people to hate this world. 

  The opponents may say many people use SNS to spend boring time. But as one study proved that campus-SNS website addicts tend to be lonely.   Proponents of social networking sites say that the online communities promote increased interaction with friends and family; offer teachers, librarians, and students valuable access to educational support and materials; facilitate social and political change; and disseminate useful information rapidly.

  47% of American adults used social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Classmates.com in 2011, up from 26% in 2008. As the user of social network service increased, the people who feel lonely are also increased. The SNS do promote interaction with friends and family, but at the same time it promote comparison among friends, too. Also it can not named "communication" . because it is failed communication. although we can disseminate useful information rapidly, but on the SNS  also have a lot of false information which confuse people. Many people connect SNS when they feel boredom or lonely. But it is not a good idea to solve loneliness. We have to know that the SNS makes people more lonely. I hope people after read my argument, those lonely person will find something else to treat loneliness, rather than addicted in SNS. 

Week 11 : Self Evaluation

1) What score do you think you deserve? Here is the rubric:

I think I can receive 2 points. Although my first draft is not perfect yet, but I can developing it through second and final drafts, and it was a good start to an effective persuasive essay.

2) What did you do well?

I did well on finding reasons. I found reasons of my topic (SNS makes people feel lonely) at varies points of view. 

3) What could you have done better?

I will developing my narration parts, make it more detail. Also I will complement my essay more convincingly.

4) Which part of the classical argument did you use the best?

I think my introduction is best part of my essay. My topic is unique and interesting, also I use skill that ask question to readers to make them wondering my topic. 

5) Which part of the classical argument did you use the most poorly?

My narration is very poor. I failed to support my argument convincingly also it lack of detail.

6) What's your strategy to make your second draft better? 

I will make my narration strongly. I will making a good job explaining the foundations of the issue.

First draft

  Today a lot of people use internet. The internet became much familiar, so the internet users are on the increase. People through the internet communicate with social world and friends, search information which you want to know, argue your opinion on the government homepage, more over you can listen music which is recorded yesterday. We never imagine before. The internet makes the world become more faster and  more closer. But didn't you ever think about the defect of internet? The SNS is the key point of internet communication. Especially for young people, the SNS is the best method to communicate with friends. We can updating our recent life on Facebook let our friends know, also can write criticism about government then posting on our own blog to show our interest in politics. These SNS seem to make people more interactive. But actually, SNS makes people lonely. 

  People know that through SNS we can communicate with others who live far apart from us .Today, the user of SNS are more than before. Currently, the SNS addicts are increased. People who feel lonely are more tend to be addicted to SNS.

  Many people may wonder why the SNS makes people feel loneliness. Because the SNS's goal is to make the world more interactive and communicational.  But it is true that SNS makes people lonely. I have found some evidences to prove my topic.

  First, SNS makes us compare with other person. When we login SNS, we could see our friends' current life. For example, I want to buy the latest new laptop, but my mother say no. At that time if I found my friends bought new laptop which I want to buy, then I will feel envious. and then I may blame my mother she don't allow me to buy laptop. Also, let's imagine when we feel lonely and want to make boy/girl friend, but no candidates. At that time you saw your friend became couple. It may make your loneliness become deeper than before.http://gadgets.ndtv.com/social-networking/news/facebook-can-make-you-feel-envious-lonely-and-miserable-study-321157

  Second, SNS is a failed "communication". "Communication" means understand each other through speech and gesture. but most SNS can not convey the perfect sense which implicated in text. When we communicate with others in face to face, we can show our expression and voice tone to give sense what I want to say and what I feel. But SNS just show text and a little emoticon. It is absurdly scant amount to convey perfect sense. So it is not communication.
http://www.cyberpsychology.eu/view.php?cisloclanku=2008111802

  Third, False Information on SNS makes people feel loneliness. "human  trafficking is serious in xx city!" "Prostitution of children happen in xx school.." "The earth will collapse in 2012." These information make people feel disappointment to the society, and even make people to hate this world. http://www.socialsciencespace.com/2014/04/how-does-false-information-spread-online/
  One study say that Campus-SNS web site addicts tend to be female, young and have used the campus-SNS web sites for relatively a long time and frequently visit the homepages of others. More importantly, loneliness was found to be a significant predictor for the campus-SNS website addiction.

  I argued that SNS actually makes people feel lonely, and I have some evidence. Although I had prove my topic through logical confirmation, still some people will disagree with my topic. 

  Opponents may say we can make new friends through SNS to deal with loneliness and boredom. But I can sure that the SNS friend is not a real friend. Friend is not a tool to deal with loneliness or a number to show to other person. also internet friends just can meet in the internet. when we had a talk with SNS friends and turned off the computer, came back to the real world, we will feel loneliness which more deeper than before. We live in real world is not a social network world. Further more, if one person who do not have any friends, and this person want to find some new friends through SNS, but when he form new ID of Facebook, and looked at the mark "FRIEND_0", it will make the loneliness deeper than before.

 http://www.theguardian.com/media/2010/aug/07/social-networking-friends-lonely
 


   Also opponents may say We can communicate with friends everywhere and every time through SNS, so we would not feel lonely. but the SNS is a failed communication. "Communication"  means understand  each other through speech and gesture. but most SNS can not convey the perfect sense which implicated in text. When we communicate with others in face to face, we can show our expression and voice tone to give sense what I want to say and what I feel.  But SNS just show text and a little emoticon. It is absurdly scant amount to convey perfect sense. "The quality of online communication is impoverished in comparison with the physical, real world face-to-face communication," says Dr Catriona Morrison, an experimental psychologist at the University of Leeds in England who has studied the link between depression and internet addiction.  "You often don't hear someone's voice and you don't see any body signals, which we know from traditional psychology are important." Like this, when we communicate with others, we have to use our voice(tone, speed, accent) and body(gesture, face expression) together. So SNS is the failed communication.

So it is not communication. Also  the SNS makes us compare with other person, then we will feel lonely. 

  Additionally, the opponents may say many people use SNS to spend boring time. But as one study proved that campus-SNS website addicts tend to be lonely.   Proponents of social networking sites say that the online communities promote increased interaction with friends and family; offer teachers, librarians, and students valuable access to educational support and materials; facilitate social and political change; and disseminate useful information rapidly.

  Opponents of social networking say that the sites prevent face-to-face communication; waste time on frivolous activity; alter children’s brains and behavior making them more prone to ADHD; expose users to predators like pedophiles and burglars; and spread false and potentially dangerous information. 
http://socialnetworking.procon.org/#Background

  47% of American adults used social networking sites like Facebook, My Space, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Classmates.com in 2011, up from 26% in 2008. As the user of social network service increased, the people who feel lonely are also increased. The SNS do promote interaction with friends and family, but at the same time it promote comparison among friends, too. Also it can not named "communication" . because it is failed communication. although we can disseminate useful information rapidly, but on the SNS  also have a lot of false information which confuse people. Many people connect SNS when they feel boredom or lonely. But it is not a good idea to solve loneliness. We have to know that the SNS makes people more lonely. I hope people after read my argument, those lonely person will find something else to treat loneliness, rather than addicted in SNS. 
http://www.pewinternet.org/fact-sheets/social-networking-fact-sheet/

Week 10 : Conclusion

My Conclusion 1
I had show you guys why the SNS makes people feel lonely. Today most people use SNS. People konw that through SNS we can connect with others who live far apart from us. As one statistic showed that 74% of people who use internet use SNS, also all cell phone user's 40% people use SNS. Like this many people in contemporary society use SNS. Today, the user of SNS are more than before.  Currently, the SNS addicts are increased. Also,  the lonely person is increasing. SNS makes people lonely. Reasons, the SNS makes people compare with others and false information confuse people and failed communication makes people more lonely. I hope people after read my argument, those lonely person will find something else to treat loneliness, rather than addicted in SNS. 


My Conclusion 2
47% of American adults used social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Classmates.com in 2011, up from 26% in 2008. As the user of social network service increased, the people who feel lonely are also increased. The SNS do promote interaction with friends and family, but at the same time it promote conparison among friends, too. Also it can not named "communication" . because it is failed communication. although we can disseminate useful information rapidly, but on the SNS  also have a lot of false information which confuse people. Many people connect SNS when they feel boredom or lonely. But it is not a good idea to solve loneliness. We have to know that the SNS makes people more lonely. I hope people after read my argument, those lonely person will find something else to treat loneliness, rather than addicted in SNS. 

Week 9 : Refutation and Concession

1. What is my thesis?
SNS makes people lonely.
2. What is the opposite position?
SNS can not makes people lonely.
3. What arguments can I anticipate?
a)We can make friends through SNS.
b)We can communicate with friends everywhere and everytime through SNS. 
c)Many people use SNS to spend boring time.
4. How will I counter those arguments?
a)The wepsite friends is not real friends, it just makes people more lonely.
b)The SNS is a failed communication. and the SNS makes us compare with other person, then we will feel lonely.
c)Campus-SNS website addicts tend to be lonely.


My Refutation and Concession
47% of American adults used social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Classmates.com in 2011, up from 26% in 2008. On social media sites like these, users may develop biographical profiles, communicate with friends and strangers, do research, and share thoughts, photos, music, links, and more. I argued that SNS actually makes people feel lonely, and I have some evidence. Although I had prove my topic through logical confirmation, still some people will disagree with my topic.

Oppenents may say we can make new friends through SNS to deal with loneliness and boredom. But I can sure that the SNS friend is not a real friend. Friend is not a tool to deal with loneliness or a number to show to other person. also internet friends just can meet in the internet. when we had a talk with SNS friends and turned off the computer, cameback to the real world, we will feel
loneliness which more deeper than before. We live in real world is not a social network world.

Also oppenents may say We can communicate with friends everywhere and everytime through SNS, so we would not feel lonely. but the SNS is a failed communication. "Communication" means understand each other through speech and gesture. but most SNS cann't convey the perfact sence which implicited in text. When we communicate with others in face to face, we can show our expression and voice tone to give sence what I want to say and what I feel. But SNS just show text and a little emoticon. It is absurdly scant amount to convey perfact sence. So it is not communication.
Also  the SNS makes us compare with other person, then we will feel lonely.

Additionally, the oppenents may say many people use SNS to spend boring time. But as one study proved that campus-SNS website addicts tend to be lonely.

Proponents of social networking sites say that the online communities promote increased interaction with friends and family; offer teachers, librarians, and students valuable access to educational support and materials; facilitate social and political change; and disseminate useful information rapidly.
Opponents of social networking say that the sites prevent face-to-face communication; waste time on frivolous activity; alter children’s brains and behavior making them more prone to ADHD; expose users to predators like pedophiles and burglars; and spread false and potentially dangerous information.

Week 8 : The Confirmation

1. What is my thesis?
SNS makes people lonely.
2. What types of source am I using to defend my thesis?
Wepsite google, naver.
 3. Are my arguments mostly based on evidence, logic or emotion?
I find my topic's evidences mostly in stastistic materials, also have some study  disquisition. so it can say it is logic.                                                                                                                   
 My Confirmation
Many people may wender why the SNS makes people feel loneliness. because the SNS's goal is to make the world more interactive and communicational.  But it is ture that SNS makes people lonely. I have found some evidences to prove my topic.

First, SNS makes us compare with other person. When we login SNS, we could see our friends' corrent life. Forexample, I want to buy the latest new laptop, but my mother say no. At that time if I found my friends bought new laptop which I want to buy, then I will feel envious. and then I may blame my mother she don't allow me to buy laptop. Also, let's immagine when we feel lonely and want to make boy/girl friend, but no candidates. At that time you saw your friend became couple. It may make your loneliness become deeper than before.

Second, SNS is a failed "communication". "Communication" means understand each other through speech and gesture. but most SNS cann't convey the perfact sence which implicited in text. When we communicate with others in face to face, we can show our expression and voice tone to give sence what I want to say and what I feel. But SNS just show text and a little emoticon. It is absurdly scant amount to convey perfact sence. So it is not communication.

Third, False Information on SNS makes people feel loneliness. "human trafficking is serious in xx cisy!" "Prostitution of children happend in xx school.." "The earth will collapse in 2012." These infoemation make people feel dissapointment to the society, and even make people to hate this world.

One study say that Campus-SNS website addicts tend to be female, young and have used the campus-SNS websites for relatively a long time and frequently visit the homepages of others. More importantly, loneliness was found to be a significant predictor for the campus-SNS website addiction.

Week 7 : The Narration

*Narration
I will summarize the research I've done and provide some explanations for prove the social network makes people lonely. Also I will give some expert's opinion to help readers understand why the SNS makes people lonely.


1. What do people already know about my topic?
People konw that through SNS we can communicate with others who live far apart from us .
Today, the user of SNS are more than before.
Currently, the SNS addicts are increased.
People who feel lonely are more tend to be addicted to SNS.


2. What research has already been done about my topic?
  Example of new employee,   
  Germany's experiment
  study evidence-IAT
  functions of sns
  how many people use sns
  sns's defect
.
.
.
shows that the SNS makes people become lonely.

 
3. What are the implications of my argument (What if I'm right? What if I'm right and people ignore me?)
People after read my argument, those lonely person will find something else to treat loneliness, rather than addicted in SNS.

Week 6 : The Instroduction

*Introduction
  I will start by describing the current sate that many people use social network to communicate with others. also introduce about the function of social network service. And then start to mention about the problems of social network service, and some affect that will lead to.(loneliness)


1. Attract the audience.
  Today a lot of people use internet. The internet became much familiar, so the internet users are on the increase. People through the internet communicate with social world and friends, search information which you want to konw, argue your oppinion on the government homepage, more over you can listen music which is recorded yesterday. We never imagine before. The internet makes the world become more faster and  closer. But didn't you ever thought about the defect of internet?


2. Explain the topic
  The SNS is the key point of internet communication.Especially for young people, the SNS is the best method to communicate with friends. We can updating our recent life on Facebook let our friends know, also can write criticism about government then posting on our own blogge to show our interest in politics.


3. Declare your thesis
  These SNS seem to make people more interactive. but actually, SNS makes people lonely.  

Research 3

*study evidence
The revised Young’s (1996) Internet Addiction Test (IAT)
and the UCLA Loneliness Scale (Version III) were applied to measure a random
sampling of 335 Chinese college students. The results show that the utmost perceived
gratifications of the students’ uses of campus-SNS websites are to know what’s new
about their classmates and friends, and to communicate with others. Campus-SNS
website addicts tend to be female, young and have used the campus-SNS websites for
relatively a long time and frequently visit the homepages of others. More importantly,
loneliness was found to be a significant predictor for the campus-SNS website
addiction.
http://www.cyberpsychology.eu/view.php?cisloclanku=2008111802

Research 2

Source:
How Facebook keeps score.
Examples of SNS makes people feel loneliness
http://www.theguardian.com/media/2010/aug/07/social-networking-friends-lonely

My Topic:
People who use SNS tend to feel loneliness more than who do not use SNS.

What I hope to learn from this source:
I want to know how facebook keeps fame and some examples which can prove my topic.

Notes:
How Facebook keeps score.

1. You don't have to post a profile picture, or share your likes and dislikes with the world, though both are encouraged.
2. You can avoid the news feed, the apps, the tweet-like status updates.
3. You don't even have to choose a favourite quote.
4. The one thing you cannot get away from is your friend count.

 Examples of SNS makes people feel loneliness

1. Five years ago, on probably the loneliest week of my life, my newly created Facebook page looked me square in the eye and announced: "You have 0 friends." I closed the account.

      *Without a real-world social network with which to interact, social networking sites act as proof  of the old cliché: you're never so alone as when you're in a crowd.

Final Thoughts:

I had  know some futures of Facebook and one example which can support my topic.